


Ego Durior

by Kissa



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angels, Blowjobs, During Canon, First Time, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Jalec fic, M/M, Switching, death is not the end, jalec - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:06:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25857892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/pseuds/Kissa
Summary: The angels bestow a mysterious and all-cleansing power upon Jace, thus creating a new series of problems, but also bringing to light some long-buried feelings.Alec, of course, is there to help every step of the way.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 18
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dura lex, sed ego durior - The law is hard, but I am harder
> 
> Si vis pacem, para bellum. - If you want peace, prepare for war.
> 
> In this fic, everyone curses liberally, especially Jace and Alec, because they are grown-ups and cursing is therapeutic. Oh and because I love it when my faves curse. 
> 
> Jace has been in love with Alec from day 1 too, but he was better at repressing it. 
> 
> I have taken some liberties with the timeline and with the canon events.
> 
> "Heavenly light" is an angelic gift different from "heavenly fire" which is mentioned on the show and explained as shards of "Glorious". I had to come up with it because there is so little heavenly fire and pretty much all of it is accounted for.

**_For those of us who have switched their TVs on later, this is a Jalec fic. If that's clear and doesn't throw you, enjoy._ **  
  
***

 _Light me up_ _  
_ _  
_ _Fill me_ _  
_ _  
_ _Make me whole again_  
  
Alec shakes his head in disbelief. Those thoughts did not just reach him through his parabatai bond… not from Jace and definitely not in that breathless, needy voice. The images they sparked in his mind are so sinful Alec feels the need to flee and wash his mind with soap. But he’s in the middle of a meeting and people expect him to be a leader. Possibly the crappiest time to get assaulted by intrusive horny thoughts.  
  
But the warmth and the need that traveled through the bond along with those heated whispered thought fragments? They cannot have come from Jace. Jace is aggressively straight, Alec should know best.  
  
Magnus watches him and tilts his head imperceptibly, in a quiet “are you alright?” Alec nods and gets back into his role as mediator in the meeting.  
  
Unfortunately, it takes all of his concentration to do so for the remaining hour. Warmth travels up and down his spine, nesting at the base and radiating from there. Alec can feel that he is burning from within, but this could not be a more crap time, so he stifles his reactions and plays it cool. He’s a master at it, from the years of pretending being close to Jace every waking minute of his day didn’t make him lose all semblance of inner calm. He’s been compartmentalising desire and hormone storms since day one.  
  
Of course, there is the added worry that something is happening to Jace. Maybe some Seelie drugs? But Jace often entertains Seelie company, in the plural, and Alec doesn’t want to know what his parabatai gets up to when he - _oh shit, shake Rafael’s hand and say something not idiotic, the Downworld leaders are leaving, hey, bye Luke, yeah, till next time._

_***_

Jace had been bitten by a vampire before and it tended to be like a bad trip on mundane drugs, or his understanding of it. He was not keen to experience it again, despite the addictive qualities of the venom.  
  
Clary had gone to rescue Simon from his kidnappers and Jace had tagged along, not wanting to leave the freshest Shadowhunter to fend for herself against hardened criminals wanted by the Clave. They knew that Simon had had his throat slit and had probably lost a great deal of blood so one of them would have to help the young vampire. And it could absolutely not be Clary, she needed her clear head and her response capabilities intact, whereas Jace was more used to vampire venom and he could recover faster. He could not risk Clary having some unforeseen reaction to vampire venom and making them even more vulnerable in the presence of their enemies. It went without saying that Jace would be the one helping Simon.  
  
Simon’s bite was small, shy and tentative just like the guy himself. Respectful, even through his despair. He was so new to the Downworld, and that night had been close to being his last. But then Simon tasted the blood and he was lost to the feeding trance.  
  
Supposedly, when a vampire fed on someone, they would enter a shared trance leaving the victim in a heightened state of arousal and fixated on the vampire who had fed on them. Being drained of blood and receiving the venom would leave the victim under a lasting spell which drew them back to the vampire.  
  
But that was not what Jace experienced this time around. As soon as Simon began to feed on him, and way before the venom could kick in, Jace’s vision was tinged gold at the edges and he felt tingles all over his body. Pleasant ones, like thousands of small caresses. He thought he heard soft, celestial music in the distance and the fluttering of many wings drawing closer to him, wrapping him in a safe cocoon, away from the world and its current problems. His mind went to Alec, his parabatai, instead of Simon. He received a vision of Alec and him surrounded by golden light, standing in the middle of an inferno which bordered a great darkness. But inside that glow, they remained unharmed. And they were holding hands.  
  
Once they were free and on the way back, Simon stopped his constant fidgeting and worked up the guts to ask Jace what had been troubling him since the glamour had dissipated. 

“J-Jace? Was that, like… gay?”  
  
“What do you mean? Use your words, noob.”  
  
“Is it gay if a guy vampire bites a guy?”  
  
“I don’t know, you tell me. Did it feel gay to you?”  
  
Simon blushed to the tips of his ears and could only nod.  
  
“WellyouaretheprettiestguyIknow… and you did save my life. And Camille was right. Nephilim blood is heavenly. Or maybe it’s just you.”  
  
Jace shrugged.  
  
“So? Some things are gay. Just don’t make getting abducted into a habit, I might not always be around to save your ass. And I need a venom addiction like I need a new hole in my head so-”  
  
With those words, Jace patted Simon’s arm and sent him on his way to find Clary.  
  
***  
  
Simon, Clary and Jace returned safely from the rescue mission and Alec chose to stay behind and check on them, especially his parabatai, instead of going to the loft with Magnus. He wanted to hear their account of exactly what had happened and he knew he’d get the most reliable information from Jace.  
  
He was displeased to find out that Jace had given his blood for Simon to feed on. Somehow, since Clary and Simon had entered their world, one of them always picked up the tab for the trouble the two newbies got into.  
  
After he was done with Clary and Simon, he went to find Jace in his room. Jace was just getting out from under the shower, combing his fingers through his wet hair and wearing only a big fluffy towel around his hips.  
  
“Hey. I heard you wanted to see me.” Jace greeted Alec, who immediately approached him and put his hands on the younger man’s arms in a silent expression of concern. Jace’s skin was running warm, too warm to be normal.

“How do you feel? Did Valentine do something to you? You’re burning.”  
  
“I’d be fine if he hadn’t escaped me. I should have had the power to stop him. But I’m weak.” Jace said, looking down in shame. “I’m sorry, Alec.”  
  
“Hey. You’re the strongest Shadowhunter I know. It’s not your fault, nor anyone of us’ if the Clave saw fit to suppress all intel on Valentine. They sent us to face him unprepared and without a plan. He’s always twenty steps ahead of us.” Alec said, his right hand moving to Jace’s neck and his thumb caressing Jace’s jaw soothingly. “I’m glad I got my parabatai back in one piece. No thanks to that new vampire.”  
  
“Hey. Simon is alright. He didn’t get abducted on purpose. And the bite wasn’t so bad. I barely even felt it.”  
  
“Wow how did his venom get so strong, so fast?” Alec wondered, frowning. If this was some new mutation the vamps were all undergoing… then all of their databases and weapons would have to be updated.  
  
“Actually his venom was regular-ass venom. But, something happened while I was in the venom-induced trance. Alec, I think… I think the angels wanted to tell me something. They sent me a vision of us standing in a halo of light, together, keeping a huge darkness at bay. Or maybe I hallucinated.”

Alec raised an eyebrow and tilted his head.  
  
“Really? You’re going to question your sanity like a mundane? Angels usually only talk to the Iron Sisters, but they also talk to Clary recently and you have pure angel blood. Please. Tell me everything.” Alec prompted, leading Jace to sit on his bed and sitting beside him.  
  
Repressed longing crawled back to the surface of Alec’s consciousness. Being so close to Jace melted his resolve. Warm, fragrant Jace who smelled and felt like home since that day long ago when, as children, Alec had taken one look at him and his heart had whispered “this one; I will love this one even though no one else has.”  
  
He didn’t even try to shake it off. He was used to the bittersweetness of Jace being so close, being his in every way but the one his traitorous heart demanded. There was a reason he could not bring himself to really start things with Magnus and why, before the warlock, he had not even noticed all the cute guys making a pass at him. 

“There was this glow, Alec. That took over me and a very warm, pleasant feeling. I felt safe, even with Valentine in the room. I heard wings, many wings approaching and then I saw us, holding hands and enveloped in this golden aura, keeping a big fire at bay. And beyond the fire, darkness as far as I could see. Still sound like a message from the angels?” 

Alec thought hard of what the vision could mean. Angels never communicated in factual terms. They used visual metaphors which did not make much sense without context.  
  
“Well, they got one thing right.” Alec said. “I don’t know what it all means, but wherever you go, I will follow, parabatai.” He added, taking Jace’s hand in his and lacing their fingers together. “And I’m flattered you thought of me while Simon was drinking your blood. How is that even possible? That’s not how venom works. It’s supposed to make you open up and offer yourself to the vampire.”  
  
“... and now I understand why Simon was so worried biting me was gay.” Jace said, sighing theatrically. “I don’t know, Alec. My mind always wanders to you when it’s not busy. You’re my parabatai. I care what’s going on with you.”  
  
“Do you? Enough to send me thoughts through our bond?”  
  
“Not intentionally… If I knew that was possible, I’d ask you to bring me a slice of pizza every time you’re downstairs in the kitchen at 2 a.m.”  
  
Alec hmm-ed in annoyance. What the fuck had those horny thoughts from earlier meant and where did they come from?

“Alec?” Jace interrupted his pondering. “Are we good? So much strange stuff has been going down and we’re apart for days on end. I’m not ready to let you go.”  
  
Alec’s initial thought was anger. He was finally moving on from pining for his straight and very much off limits parabatai. And now Jace didn’t want him to move on? But upon further consideration, Jace’s words only meant that they shouldn’t drift further apart as warriors who had a bond to look after.  
  
He allowed himself a small smile, to reassure Jace.  
  
“We’re good. We’re still you and me, but with a lot of threats to deal with. Clary, Valentine, Simon, being on the brink of war with the Seelies…” 

Jace seemed to need more than the words, because he moved closer and rested his forehead against Alec’s, bringing a hand up to rest on Alec’s neck.  
  
For a few seconds, the world disappeared around the two of them and Alec hugged Jace close, wanting to hold on to the feeling. He knew it was unhealthy to cling to a man who did not want him and who cruelly teased him, albeit unwittingly, with his familiar tenderness and their shared brand of intimacy that fed Alec’s soul.  
  
Whoever was up there in the heavens was a cruel, cruel god. Making him so flawed and letting him loose in a world in which Jace loved him, but not the way he needed. It was like being thirsty and being offered the most delicious cakes and no water.  
  
But he could not help himself. He could not push Jace away, no matter what his rational mind told him.  
  
Perhaps he should be upfront with Magnus. The warlock was charming and attractive, plus wise and kind like no other warlock Alec had ever encountered before him. But…  
  
There was merit in his going to talk openly to the warlock and tell him that he was not able to give himself to their relationship in a way that was fair to Magnus. Alec was sure Magnus could read him like an open book and was waiting for him to make up his mind.  
  
But the crux of the matter was… Jace needed him. Jace, the ultimate protector, needed him. And he could not picture a future where he would not come running when called. To see those mismatched eyes widen with relief, to feel their bond flood with joy coming from Jace whenever they got to fight side by side. Yin fen was diluted piss compared to that feeling.  
  
Jace needed his touches, his hugs, his little encouraging pats and the worried caresses whenever they were reunited after a fight. Jace sought the warmth of his arms when the night got too dark to slice even with a seraph blade.  
  
“Alec? You drifted off on me. Nothing against it, but let’s at least get comfortable?” Jace suggested. They were still sitting at the foot of Jace’s bed.  
  
“Yeah, sure. Let me… uh… I’ll just.” Alec stuttered, feeling like he’d been caught. He took off the dark denim shirt he was wearing over his t-shirt and made himself comfortable on top of the covers.  
  
Jace disappeared into his bathroom and returned only moments later wearing a pair of form-hugging, silk sleeping trousers that hung sinfully low on his hips and left very little to the imagination, hugging every detail they were supposed to cover.  
  
_Dick print for days._ _  
_ _  
_ _Now I know why Seelies view Jace as a group activity._  
  
Alec mentally rolled his eyes at how desperately thirsty he was. But he had stopped fighting it long ago. Jace was just unfairly attractive. Some people got a drop of angel blood, others got a bucket. Whatever angel had given Jace his must have spilled the entire shelf of heavenly gifts into the mix.  
  
Jace took the free spot on the bed next to Alec and reached out to touch his parabatai, resting his hand on a clothed pec. Like a house cat needing to feel the human in their sleep, even if only with the tip of a paw.  
  
“You’re hot.” Alec remarked, feeling the heat seep through the fabric.  
  
“I thought that was an established fact.” Jace said, rolling onto his back and crossing his arms under his head.  
  
Alec felt his mouth go dry as the pale expanse of Jace’s sculpted torso was suddenly on full display for him and within easy reach.  
  
“I mean it, you ass. You are burning.” He said, starting to worry.  
  
“It must be a slight fever, which is normal since someone drank a lot of my blood earlier this evening. My body is just fixing itself.” Jace said. “Now let’s get some rest.”  
  
Alec sighed and closed his eyes.  
  
The exhaustion of the day caught up with him and he quickly fell asleep.  
  
***  
  
They were woken up by Isabelle, Maryse and Robert bursting into Jace’s room.  
  
Jace reflexively pulled a seraph dagger from under his pillow, placing himself between Alec and the perceived threat. When he saw who it was, he lowered his blade and put it away.  
  
“Guys what the hell? We fell asleep while talking last night, it’s not a first. Why the committee?” He asked.  
  
Alec looked mortified, privately worried that his mother and Izzy would think he was being a pervert, going to Jace’s bed to bask in his closeness, despite Jace not sharing his feelings. 

Izzy took out one of her gadgets and balked at the data on the display.  
  
“Eighty fucking degrees! Celsius!!! Jace, how are you alive! Why aren’t you sweating?” She asked. “I was in the morgue and the surveillance systems sent an automated alert. I traced it to here and… what the fuck is happening?!”  
  
“Your thingy is out of whack. I’m fine, Alec is fine, and we would be even more fine if you let us continue our sleep.”  
  
Maryse walked over to them and placed her hand on each of her sons’ foreheads.  
  
“Hm, Jace you do have a little bit of a fever, but definitely not eighty degrees. Why are you so pale though?”  
  
“Helped Simon recover. I let him drink some of my blood.” Jace admitted.  
  
“What?! Do not do such a thing ever again. Your pure angel blood is precious! You should not squander it on Downworlders. Unless you want to paint a bullseye on your arteries.” Maryse said. “Robert, tell Jace how dangerous that is.”  
  
“She’s right. If word gets out you let a vampire feed on you, every other vamp in town will want to snack on you.” Robert said. “But, what’s done is done and now you know better. Alright, everyone, go back to sleep. Izzy, fix your measuring devices and run diagnostics on them before scaring the crap out of us. I thought some greater demon had opened a portal in here when you first woke me up.”  
  
Maryse took the time to place a kiss on each boy’s forehead before she left the room together with her husband and daughter.  
  
Alec lay back down, his mind revisiting the moment when Jace had shielded him with his body out of pure instinct. It felt good to think of that. And Jace had been hot, vaulting over him like a jaguar ready to attack in a heartbeat.  
  
Jace straddled him to get back to his side of the bed and their eyes met. Alec broke the eye contact first, feeling naked and exposed. Jace had caught him looking again. And he knew his face betrayed him, with the way he saw Jace, always shining like a god, bathed in a golden glow like the picture of Saint George slaying the dragon that was the centerpiece of the huge stained glass work on the eastern side of the Institute. In the mornings, the sunlight came in through the stained glass panels, giving the art a vibrant, otherworldly beautiful quality. That was how he saw Jace all the time.  
  
Now his body betrayed him too, and Jace making himself comfortable on his lap did NOT help at all. Well. It did with making him look like a tool. 

“Alec? Do you still…?” Jace asked in a whisper.  
  
Alec closed his eyes against the incoming heartache.  
  
He nodded, slowly reopening his eyes. 

“Always. I tried to move on, Jace. I tried, but… forgive me. I’ll leave now. You must think I’m a creep.”  
  
“Alec, look at me. Everything is going to be alright.” Jace said softly, running his hand through his hair, which was what usually gave away his nervousness.  
  
With those words, he took Alec’s hands and placed them on his hips above the low waist of his sleeping trousers, leaning down and brushing his lips against Alec’s.  
  
“Jace! Jace, what’s happening? Is this a joke?”Alec felt himself start to tremble. If this was some cruel prank, he would… he would…  
  
“Not to me. While Simon drank my blood it became clear as daylight that there’s never going to be anyone else for me. I can’t get close to anyone, I can’t fall in love with anyone else. My heart is already occupied and I’m an idiot for not seeing it sooner. The cosmic idiot needed a special picture telegram from the angels to finally get it.”  
  
Alec felt on the verge of an aneurysm.  
  
“So Simon sucking your blood made you gay?”  
  
“Everyone else is still blah af. I only want you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I was going to kiss you for real.”  
  
“We cannot. Jace, the law.”  
  
“Yes, the law is hard. But guess what else is harder. _Dura lex, sed ego durior_ .” Jace scoffed. “Our parents kept their Circle membership from us for our whole lives. We’ll have an easier time hiding us from the world. Besides, everyone already knows we are the clingiest parabatai pair. Long as we don’t leak a sex tape, we’ll be fine. Are you and Magnus going to be okay?”  
  
“Magnus and I need to talk. I was planning to tell him he and I will not work out the way he pictures it. I’m sure he will know why even if I don’t tell him, but he won’t sell us out.”  
  
“Wait. You were going to turn Magnus down even before I said something?” Jace asked, the fingers on one hand ghosting a caress across Alec’s face. “Why? You deserve to be happy.”  
  
“I didn’t want to lie to myself and someone else. I didn’t want to be the partner who is just there so he has someone to go to things with. I’d rather be alone if I can’t have whom I want.”  
  
“Now you have me.”  
  
Alec sat up, pulling himself backwards so he could sit up with his back against the headboard and still have Jace in his lap. This way, the distance between them was smaller and his hands could roam across Jace’s skin as they pleased. 

“Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are? They say all Nephilim are attractive because of our angelic blood, but you are… Jesus Christ, Jace. Will there ever come a time when I can breathe normally while looking at you?”  
  
Jace blushed all the way down to his nipples, apparently having Alec say those words made a whole world of difference. People regularly told him he was good looking and that usually left him feeling bored. But he knew Alec said those words knowing him fully. Bright side and dark facets.  
  
“Look who’s talking. You’re stunning, Alec.” Jace whispered breathlessly, one hand coming up to rake through Alec’s hair, settling on petting the shiny dark waves.  
  
He felt Alec’s hands slip under the hem of his trousers, resting on the heated, soft skin of his hips. Alec canted his hips and held him in place, making his head fall back. Jace felt soft lips resting on his exposed neck for a fraction of a second before they returned to gently nip at the spot and wandered on.  
  
He was not one to be inactive for too long, so he placed two fingers on Alec’s chin and tilted it just right so he could slant his lips against Alec’s. The kiss started off gentle and soft and Jace took his time. Now that he had told Alec how he felt and he knew that Alec would clear things up with Magnus, he could allow his heart to fill with joy and sink into the here and now.  
  
“I don’t have much of a plan.” His voice came out hoarse and laboured. “I just want to touch you and see what makes you glow.”  
  
Alec still thought he was in a very vivid dream and he kept running his hands all over Jace’s exposed skin.  
  
“I know even less. I haven’t been with anyone…” He said softly. “I’ll take anything you’ll give me as long as you don’t stop touching me.”  
  
Jace was about to suggest they get naked when the alarm started blaring again. And this time it wasn’t Izzy.  
  
The Institute’s wards had been breached.  
  
Alec and Jace both dressed in record time and ran to the command center.  
  
There, they saw blood-curdling footage of a demon loose in the Institute, trying to get to the vault by traveling through the air vents.

The horrifying part was that seraph blades had no effect on it, and neither did Alec’s arrows or Izzy’s whip. They were pretty much sitting ducks.  
  
Maryse ordered everyone to evacuate until Jace, Alec, Izzy, she and her husband managed to contain the threat somehow.  
  
“Valentine must have experimented on this demon and he must have given it enhanced abilities! What does it want from the vault?” Izzy said.  
  
“Valentine must think the mortal cup is there.” Alec offered. 

Maryse, who had followed the demon to the vault room, gave a terrified scream. All her children ran to her, in time to see the demon turning the runes on the walls and floor to ashes.  
  
“MAGNUS! We need you, please come to the Institute.” Alec nearly sobbed into his phone. “Hurry!”  
  
Seconds later, Robert was letting Magnus into the vault room. The warlock had portaled at once.  
  
“Where’s Alexander? Is he alright?” He asked, before rounding the corner and seeing the demon wreak havoc, tearing the room apart.

Magnus walked over to where Alec stood and summoned two blue orbs of magical energy, casting them at the demon.  
  
This only managed to enrage the demon, which changed strategies. Its smokelike form became dense and concentrated into semi-solid swirls which traveled across the room, having picked a target.  
  
It had nearly flung itself into Alec when Jace stood between them, taking the demon into himself.  
  
“Jace! No!” Alec yelled. The demon was practically invincible. It would not leave Jace unless it got what it came for or worse, it would destroy Jace’s body through possession while tearing the Institute apart.  
  
Tears ran down Alec’s cheeks. He had only gotten Jace back! And now it all came to an abrupt end, or so it seemed. His parabatai rune glowed red and shot unbearable pain through his body.  
  
Jace remained still, abnormally still for being possessed by a demon with an agenda.

He looked at everyone there - Robert, Maryse, Izzy, Magnus, Alec - with a sad smile.  
  
Next, pure heavenly light erupted from inside Jace, engulfing him and filling the room. All those standing around him had to cover their eyes. The demon screamed its agony to the skies as it was burned out of existence.  
  
When everything came back to normal, or looked like it, Jace looked like he would collapse any moment.  
  
“Everyone, stand back. He is still full of heavenly light. It’s going to incinerate everything once it hits again.” Magnus warned, his magic able to read what was happening better than Nephilim senses. “Jace, I’m sorry. You cannot stay here.” He added, opening a portal.  
  
Right before he made the portal swallow Jace, Alec took Jace’s hand and they both disappeared from the Institute.  
  
“What was that?! Where did you send them?” Maryse asked, looking at the leveled room. “Call everyone back! We need to figure out how Valentine created such a strong demon. Magnus, tell me where you sent my children.”  
  
“Somewhere remote, where Jace can learn to control his new powers without wiping us all out.”  
  
“Will he be okay, Magnus?” Izzy asked. “Can my brother contain so much heavenly light?”  
  
“Between him and Alexander, I think they will figure out a way to decant the light.”  
  
The warlock looked oddly wistful while giving Izzy the good news.  
  
***

Magnus had sent them to one of his remote homes, somewhere in Iceland.

“He really fucking did that!” Alec cursed, shivering uncontrollably in the cold. “Let’s get inside.”  
  
Luckily they had their weapons and steles, but they had to move quickly, since they had no warm clothing to withstand the outside cold and oddly, Jace had stopped radiating heavenly light once he had come out of the portal.  
  
Jace opened the door to the luxurious home, which, although not lived in for a long time, was clean and comfortable.  
  
A fire message reached Alec and he recognised Magnus’ handwriting. 

“ _Hello, Alexander. I think by now you must have realised what it takes to control your parabatai’s new power. It’s up to you to help him pour some of it out. I will portal you back in three days. M._ _  
_ _  
_ _P.S. I’m not upset. I want to know you are happy. Don’t be a stranger, after.”_  
  
Alec read and re-read the message, unwilling to accept what it was saying.  
  
It was the harsh reality of his life. He could never have things the way he wanted them. On one hand, as a soldier, he accepted his part in helping Jace contain the heavenly light. But on the other hand he felt it was robbing him of a choice in how his life went.  
  
How foolish of him to have thought he would get to decide how and when he would have sex for the first time. True, Jace was the only person he wanted in that way and he was grateful that Jace and him had gotten on the same page about what they felt, but surely it would have been more pleasant to have the time to decide?  
  
Jace would probably take it all in stride. He would thank the angels for giving him extra demon fighting powers, no matter the cost to his person. They were soldiers and sacrifice was expected of them. But every war has a beginning and an end. They should have been allowed some choices where their personal lives were concerned.  
  
Jace was currently exploring the house deciphering the notes on the fridge, which, upon inspection, was well stocked. So was the pantry, and there were directions to a supermarket in the nearby town. 

“What does the note say?” He asked Alec, before walking over, choosing instead to open a bottle of Kombucha. He took a sip and scrunched his face. “God it’s like if I put my piss in the Sodastream and made it fizzy.” But since he was thirsty and the place had no beer, two sips later it was, “actually, I could get used to this.”  
  
“We’re only here for three days. I’m supposed to help you, uh, decant the heavenly light.”  
  
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, decant?” Jace asked. “I know what it is, but how does it apply?”  
  
“Magnus used the words ’pour it out’.”Alec said.  
  
“Sounds like watersports. Which, by the way, is cool but not on the first couple of dates.” 

“What’s wrong with an Aqualand trip as a first date?” Alec asked, making Jace pause, place his bottle on a counter and walk over to him.  
  
Jace put his arms around Alec and leaned in to place a soft kiss to Alec’s neck. If Izzy found a way to weaponize Alec’s innocence it would probably take all of Edom down for good.  
  
“The heavenly light seems to affect everyone and everything but you and our family. Remember Maryse kissed my forehead and said I was warm-ish but nothing severe?”  
  
Alec nodded.  
  
“Look. Whatever this is, it’s from the angels. And I think I know why it befell you when it did.” Alec took out his phone and searched for something online, showing it to Jace. “It’s happened before. People who sacrificed themselves for others receiving heavenly power to defeat massive threats.”  
  
“But I didn’t sacrifice jack. Oh, the blood? Everyone told me that was dumb.”  
  
“I’m sure Simon, who gets to live to see another night, doesn’t find it that dumb.” Alec said, caressing the shorn hairs on the side of Jace’s head.  
  
“What else did Magnus say? May I see?” Jace asked.  
  
Alec moved away, but not before handing Jace the note.  
  
Jace read it and sighed.  
  
“Alec, I’m sorry.”  
  
“It is how it is.”  
  
“It still sucks. I mean, not that we get to do *that* but… that we need to, and that you will have the same problem as I do.”  
  
“Jace! I don’t regret coming along. I will swallow all of Edom if that’s what it takes to prevent the demons from taking over our world. I will not let you be the weapon on your own until it kills you. Magnus was going to send you here alone. You would have died.”  
  
“I bet the angels thought it through better than this.”  
  
“I also have a hard time thinking the angels designed heavenly light to be controllable via sex.”  
  
“Why not? Alec. Sex isn’t demonic. And we’ve been intimate in pretty much every other way, some even closer and deeper than sex. But… it would have been nice to leave you a choice.”  
  
“You’re my choice, Jace. Always. I just wished… I could set it up with, I don’t know. A trip to the pharmacy, some candles, some wine.”  
  
“Well. We’re in luck. There’s a shelf in the bedroom with pretty much every brand of lube known to man on it. And the pantry’s well stocked too.”

***  
  
It was much later at night and, instead of going to bed, Jace and Alec had found the room under the roof, the one with the huge skylight which allowed them to watch the northern lights and the stars.  
  
Jace had whipped up a delicious Greek-style pasta dish and Alec had brought wine from the rack downstairs.  
  
“What if this doesn’t work? What if Magnus was wrong?” Alec says.  
  
“Then my last memories from this life will be of you and I can’t think of a better way to go.” Jace whispered.  
  
Alec blinked back sudden tears and a huge lump that was forming in his throat. Jace’s words tipped the scales of his resolve and he took his parabatai’s hands in his.  
  
“There will never be a time when I don’t love you, Jace. Even when you beat me on the training mat or when you take off on unsanctioned missions. My heart only knows you.”  
  
Jace smiled and rested his forehead on Alec’s.  
  
“I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to love you from the start. I’m sorry I let fear push me away. I was taught that to love is to destroy and I always feared I would lose that which had so generously been given to me: a family, a home, the most loyal and loving parabatai. I love you too, Alec. And I’m past caring what the law says.”  
  
Alec felt his heart soar. Jace was uttering the very words he had been dying to hear. It made the very painful journey to get here worth it.  
  
“Are you afraid?” He asked Jace. “What if it doesn’t work?”

Jace shook his head.  
  
“I’m too turned on to be afraid.” He said honestly, pouring more wine in Alec’s glass.  
  
There was no way the wine was enough for both of them to be drunk, but alcohol in small amounts helped relieve the nerves, Jace knew that from personal experience. And it wasn’t that he wanted Alec tipsy, but he did want his parabatai to unwind enough to enjoy himself.

He had brought all he needed to the attic, not wanting to kill the moment in order to fetch stuff later.  
  
“How are you so in control even now?” Alec wondered aloud.  
  
“Things are going my way. I finally get to make you mine and show you how precious you really are to me.” Jace said, leaning close for a kiss, guiding Alec to lie back in the nest of blankets and pillows they had made on the bed under the skylight. “Even the angels know it. They made you immune to the heavenly light.” He added, his lips tracing Alec’s jaw before moving down his neck.  
  
Slowly, he undressed his parabatai, kissing every new patch of skin he uncovered. Jace noticed Alec was still cramped up and looked like he wanted to cover himself or disappear altogether, but he planned to make his parabatai see himself through his eyes soon enough.

“You are so unbelievably gorgeous.” He purred, straddling a now fully naked Alec and running his hands over sculpted and battle-honed arms, pecs and abs. “A god among men.” Jace added, licking his lips. He suddenly felt extremely privileged because Alec did not show off the way he did and the sight of him in all his naked glory was something reserved for his parabatai. 

Alec felt himself blush deeply. He was about to tell himself that Jace was laying it on thick and exaggerating for his sake, but Jace took his hand and placed it on his own, still clothed, rock hard cock. “See what it does to me to finally have you like this?” the blond asked and resumed his mapping of Alec’s whole body with his lips.  
  
Alec found out new things about himself during Jace’s exploration - for instance, that the few disinterested and tentative tweaks he’d given his nipples once to try and see if they did anything for him were not the same with his parabatai sucking on them and taking the time to play with them in ways that hadn’t even crossed Alec’s mind before. He found he did feel loads of things actually and the pleasant sensations Jace awakened traveled straight to his dick and to a place buried deep inside him that pulsed in a delicious way, so elusive and out of reach to him until now.  
  
He actually sought Jace’s hand and interlaced their fingers when Jace’s lips wrapped around the tip of his cock. Jace had not sucked cock before, but that did not stop him from sending Alec to see God with the slow and calculated way his lips dragged over the length, pausing to trace the head and release it with a lewd sound, as though Jace was devouring a huge Cornetto with no one around. Alec found the sounds so jarring, on one hand the slurping was obscene, on the other, it was proof Jace really loved having his mouth full of Alec’s cock. His hips gave small thrusts into the hot, wet grip of Jace’s mouth, careful not to take more than was given to him.  
  
But Jace, like the overachieving prick he was, made it his mission to swallow Alec’s cock down to the hilt, despite the tip hitting the back of his throat and making him gag on the first few tries. He just pressed his fists shut with the fingers around his thumbs, a trick Alec would have been mortified to learn where Jace had picked it up from. Tears were sparkling in Jace’s eyes, but he pushed through it until he was able to swallow Alec down, his hands coming to rest on Alec’s hips and rubbing reassuring little caresses into the heated skin.  
  
Concern for Jace had been the damper on Alec’s pleasure so far, he had to watch and make sure Jace would not asphyxiate himself for the sake of proving a point, but when Jace looked up at him and had the nerve to look smug, Alec couldn’t hold on any longer and gave himself over to the feel and the enormity of it. Pleasure coursed through him and sent small tremors through his muscles, tremors which grew in intensity and picked up in rhythm. He didn’t even have enough presence to worry about etiquette and whether or not it was rude to come down his parabatai’s throat without warning. His heels were digging into the mattress beneath, trying to anchor him to the world around, but it was a faint and distant sensation. All of Alec had been reduced to the part of him that Jace was swallowing and humming around and the frayed nerve endings responding to Jace's attentions.  
  
Jace took Alec spreading his legs wider and digging his heels into the mattress as reassurance and he lubed up two fingers, bringing them to Alec’s entrance and starting to get him used to a foreign touch there. He waited until Alec exhaled next to slip a finger in and watch for a reaction and any sign of discomfort. When he found none, he pushed in deeper, moving his finger a few times before adding a second and slowly getting to the point where he could scissor the fingers inside Alec. Next, he focused on locating the prostate and Alec let him know right away when he had found it, by arching almost completely off the bed and pressing out a needy “fuck… Jace… more!”  
  
The parabatai bond glowed between them and let them each feel what the other was feeling for long, deliberate moments, not flashes like usual. Jace felt Alec’s orgasm crest and course through Alec before he saw his parabatai close his eyes and writhe on the bed as he emptied himself down Jace’s throat.  
  
Jace swallowed carefully, pulling off of Alec’s cock and cleaning him thoroughly. He still felt smug for doing it and watching Alec fly apart under his touch, but the amount of trust Alec had in him also humbled him.  
  
Jace went up next to Alec and caressed his features with soft fingertips. Reclining next to his parabatai, he stroked some strands of hair away from Alec’s face before asking him, “all good? Ready for more?”  
  
“I feel… opened up?” Alec said, looking up at the stars through the skylight. “It’s scary, and exciting at the same time.”  
  
“Don’t be scared. I’ve got you.” Jace whispered and pulled Alec close. 

Alec melted against him, lips nibbling at Jace’s neck and shoulder, one leg coming up to rest on Jace’s hip, pulling him close in a wordless request.  
  
Jace reached for the lube again, coating his fingers and pulling Alec on top of him. They kissed messily, desperately, the whole world disappearing around them. Jace’s fingers returned to Alec’s hole, continuing what they started earlier. He didn’t go on until he felt Alec’s body give in to him and take three fingers easily.  
  
“Lie down for me, on your back please. I want to see you.” Jace directed and Alec had to yank himself from the semi-trance he had slipped into, making himself comfortable among the pillows.   
  
Jace knelt, thighs spread, between Alec’s legs, pulling his hips up in his lap and running reverent hands down Alec’s body before lubing himself up and waiting for Alec’s go.  
  
“Do it, Jace. Please fuck me.” Alec’s voice was soft and pleading and Jace couldn’t remember anyone asking for him so adoringly.  
  
He guided himself in, having to stop as soon as the head breached Alec’s entrance. It was too much, too hot, too sudden and he had to breathe for the overwhelm to ebb a bit so he could bottom out. When he did, he leaned over Alec and captured his lips in a tender, slow kiss. Nothing had ever felt more right than them being joined like this. Their bond flared up again, the golden glow expanding to envelop them both. Jace didn’t break the kiss as he started to move, feeling intoxicated by Alec’s little pleading moans. Alec was still so tight around him, squeezing down on Jace’s cock inside him as though afraid he would be denied if he let go.  
  
Jace brought a hand between them and started to stroke Alec’s belly gently, in wide soothing circles. Soon, he felt the death grip on his cock lessen and he moved the way they both needed it, pulling out almost all the way then plunging back in until Alec’s abs and thighs were quivering and Alec was murmuring pleas interrupted only by little mewls and moans.  
  
When they locked eyes again, Alec saw it happen. Jace’s runes lit up first, then there was that pleasant and intense warmth and heavenly light flooded their bond and the two of them. It felt as though they became communicating vessels and the light was spreading through the bond, filling Alec up.  
  
His spine felt like a flaming sword, heat coursing up and down. The ecstasy accompanying the light was almost unbearable, it would have been if he weren’t tethered to Jace. Their soft fusion controlled how quickly the light spread into Alec.

There was that little edge of sadness, even in the middle of the flow of divine bliss. That small part of him that would have wanted his first time to be just his, with only Jace and their private magic flowing between them. The angelic energy coursing through them felt like it might burn them both out of existence and rebuild them anew.  
  
But Jace was right there with him, resting his forehead against Alec’s, kissing him reassuringly and weaving their fingers together as they moved to the same rhythm that Jace set.

Alec let go, giving in to the overwhelm of it all, feeling like a walnut shell on a stormy ocean. Until Jace scooped him up, changing the angle and bringing them closer. Like this, Jace’s cock hit Alec’s prostate on every in- and outward slide.  
  
They kissed, soft and loving, restrained, compared to the heavenly light roaring through them both. They were beautiful and glowing and one. Alec came, feeling Jace right up there with him. He couldn’t help the lewd sound that escaped him once he felt and saw his parabatai spend himself inside him.  
  
The lingering feeling of lonely emptiness returned when Jace slipped out and lay down close, panting and trying to regain his breath.  
  
Alec had never loved Jace more than in that moment. There would most likely be other times when they got to join like this, maybe even without the heavenly light flowing between them, maybe with. But they would never have this first time together again.  
  
Even though he’d already come twice, Alec felt himself stir back to hardness again, looking at Jace and reaching to caress some of the blond bangs away from his sweat-shiny face.  
  
There was something at play between them and he could not quite place it. But Jace was irresistible to him and he suddenly felt like their joining was not complete.  
  
“I want to be inside you, parabatai.” He whispered, lips moving against Jace’s shoulder.  
  
Jace nodded, seemingly just as overcome with the urgency of that exact same need, reflected back at Alec.  
  
“I’m ready. I… I feel… touch me.” Jace said, breathless and needy.  
  
Alec did look, and brought his hand to Jace’s entrance, finding it invitingly slick and pliant. 

“It’s the light, coursing through our bond. It feeds on it and my love for you.” Jace said, eyes half-lidded, skin hot to the touch and glowing a subdued gold now.  
  
“How do you want me?” Alec asked, feeling oddly vulnerable while about to find out what Jace wanted for his first time.  
  
“Sit up. I’ll sit in your lap, facing you.” Jace explained. “I need you close.”  
  
They got into position, their bodies reconnecting flawlessly and mirroring each other. There was only a moment’s pause from Jace as Alec breached him, making the blond squeeze his eyes shut and then reopen them at once, taking in his parabatai’s rapt expression.  
  
Jace rested his arms on Alec’s shoulders, legs wrapped around Alec’s hips.  
  
“Did you think of this before?” Alec asked, curious. This seemed like an amazing position for a most intimate connection, even without the angelic energy.

“I dreamt of it. On rare nights without nightmares, I’d dream of us, joined exactly like this, grinding and rolling against each other, like we are doing now. Coming untouched just from you asking me to. Falling asleep with your head on my chest. I buried it all too well.” 

“I’m glad you can now share it with me. You feel like a god around me, Jace.” Alec said, echoing Jace’s words from earlier back to him.   
  
Their souls again reached towards each other and became one when the two parabatai found their rhythm. Jace’s runes lit up and so did the rest of him. Alec felt like he was holding an actual angel in his arms, wondering how he was living through it all. Jace did not look of this world in those moments, but soon the light ebbed down to a soft glow that spread over to Alec. It finally felt like the heavenly light had found a good home in their bodies and in their shared bond.  
  
The three days passed by like a moment, both Jace and Alec feeling regret at having to return to their everyday lives, where their love was illegal. 

“Are you going to tell Magnus?” Jace asked as they got ready to leave. Alec had insisted on cleaning up in the house and leaving it the way they found it.  
  
“No. What happened here is ours and ours only. As far as I’m concerned, you learned to control the heavenly light on your own and I was here for emotional support.”  
  
“But the Clave…”  
  
“Fuck the Clave, Jace.” Alec says, and it’s so not him, but Jace is happy to have his parabatai finally share his feelings. “They are not entitled to us, to our angelic power and to know what happened. Knowing them, they will try to steal the heavenly light from us and have us deruned and exiled.”  
  
So Alec is not as reckless as Jace thought. His points stand.  
  
Before going to the portal, they share one last lazy kiss.  
  
*** 

Everything is as they left it, more or less. The vault room was repaired and the Clave paid Magnus to reinforce the wards around the Institute. Simon is a daylighter now, which is a miracle to everyone unaware that he drank Jace’s pure angel blood. Thankfully, Simon does not plan to share that detail with his fellow vampires. 

Jace and Alec resume their spots in the Institute. Jace goes on hunts, Alec attends meetings.  
  
Magnus seeks Alec in his office one night, late after one such meeting.  
  
“How are you, Alexander? We never got to talk after… Iceland.”  
  
“I’m fine. Shaken, but fine. If Valentine can make demons who can withstand seraph blades, we are all mortally screwed.” 

“That demon was most likely a one time thing. The too many ingredients needed to pull that stunt are highly unstable and hard to come by. But… I take it you were able to help your parabatai survive the heavenly light.”  
  
“I didn’t do much.” Alec lies impassibly. “It was just a powerful surge in the beginning, after which he learned to control it. It doesn’t affect me, or any of Jace’s loved ones anyway. We just feel it like a bit of warmth.” 

“But you were ready to give him every bit of yourself. That goes beyond love.” Magnus points out.  
  
“He’s my parabatai, Magnus. If he dies, I die. I can see how it can be a lot for others. I’ve been meaning to find you and talk to you… I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have a romantic relationship and it’s unfair to pretend that I can or to ask you or anyone else to wait until I’m ready. Other parabatai can. Jace can. But I can’t.” 

“You deserve to be happy, Alexander. Jace will never give you what you need.”  
  
“Well, it’s my funeral.” Alec said, getting ready to leave. “We don’t all have to be in relationships to have good lives. And while I appreciate you caring for me as a friend, let me assure you - I’ll be fine. And I would appreciate it even more if you helped kill the rumours that I fucked my parabatai back to normal. The law is hard, but it’s the law, and Jace and I are well aware of that. But… I will admit my crush got worse while witnessing Jace learn to keep a lid on the heavenly light. And, before anything else, thank you for sending Jace and me to your beautiful Iceland home and not to some frozen nowhere place.” 

Magnus bowed his head and smiled. 

“I may be a Downworlder, but I am not a savage. Jace needed help. I meant what I said in my note. Don’t be a stranger. You may not be ready to date, and I respect that. But working with you is a treat in itself. Now if you’ll excuse me.”  
  
The warlock left and Alec went on to his room to change so he could work out.  
  
He hadn’t even flinched, lying had come as easily as breathing.  
  
After his workout, he went to bed, and before settling for sleep, he googled several banks. Maybe Jace was confident about this, but if Alec had learnt something by now, it was that, if there was a way for something to go bad, it would. He was going to reroute a percentage of his monthly income to an account in a mundane bank, for when the hammer of the inevitable fell.  
  
_Si vis pacem, para bellum._

***

The mundane club was loud, the bass from the sound system thudding through Alec’s ribcage. He would need getting used to that.  
  
Jace joined him with their drinks and he let himself get swept up in the moment.  
  
The peachy sweetness of the Touchdown cocktails. The hypnotic rhythm of the trance music playing. Jace grinding on him as they danced in the middle of the busy dancefloor. 

The light inside them uncoiled slowly to alert them to demons joining the party.  
  
“It’s our day off. We’re glamoured, and if we start blasting motherfuckers back to Hell, the Clave will have questions.” Jace huffed. “Later, babe.”

This time, demons even had the self-preservation to leave the two Shadowhunters alone. They were only there to deal ecstasy, not get sent back to Hell, after all.  
  
Finally, Alec immersed himself in the moment.  
  
He let the excitement thrum in his veins and the music guide his movements as his arms tightened around Jace. They shared a slow kiss, in contrast with the colourful chaos around them, and Alec was certain some of the glitter on Jace’s face was now on his. 

_Dura lex, sed ego durior._


	2. Dulcis Amor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How not to get caught breaking the law, a case study by Alec Lightwood and Jace Herondale.  
> After Iceland, they manage to hide the massive change in their bond while also dealing with a war and an increasingly oppressive Clave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dulcis amor (est) - Love is sweet

Jace began to squirrel away all the money he could manage without it attracting anyone’s attention. He did not tell Alec because he didn’t want him to worry more than he already did.  
  
Later, when it was revealed he was a Herondale, his worries lessened and his plans for the future became bolder. 

He also felt more comfortable inviting all his friends out and taking Alec to nice mundane places. Sure, clubs had awesome mixed drinks, but there were so many other experiences Jace could now afford to give Alec. But a part of him still thought of the future in grim terms so he wasn’t nearly as free with his spending as it would have been expected of someone who barely had a name before and now had a history, an inheritance and a grandmother with two generations’ worth of guilt. Imogen was beside herself with joy at Jace being her grandson.  
  
The relationship with Clary changed. Not for worse, but into something else. Now that they knew they weren’t related, they could have started dating, but Clary sensed Jace was no longer interested and, after considering all the personal sacrifices her new Shadowhunter family, especially Jace, had made to help her, she didn’t push for them to be together. However, she remained someone Jace could trust and talk to, although her feelings for him morphed into an unrequited crush, the kind everyone gets for that one professor while in university.  
  
Jace begins to disappear for a few hours every two months or so and everyone starts suspecting he is seeing someone, possibly a mundane. And Jace doesn’t say otherwise, for once reaping the benefits of the times when he so loosely distributed his graces.

Hunts become less eventful. Demons end up dead with predictable frequency.  
  
They don’t use the heavenly light, not when there’s so much at stake.  
  
Jace dies by Valentine’s hand and Alec feels it as though it happens to him. He collapses where he stands, tears streaming down his face. He claws at the fading parabatai rune as though he can dig it up with his fingers and sheer will.  
  
 _Where’s your protecting light now, Angels? Why did you let Jace die?_

Alec distantly hears Isabelle asking him things and feels her support him as she guides him to his room, where he can lie down and- and what? There is no coming back from this. 

He knows, logically, that the surviving parabatai can carry on living once the bond dissolves and the pain of losing their twin soul fades. But he can’t imagine himself going on living in a world without Jace.  
  
Then, Jace is back at the Institute and he comes to find Alec, sitting on his bed, forgetting exactly how many caresses he is allowed before the others begin to suspect things and not caring. His fingers trace and map Alec’s features in reassurance.  
  
 _I’m back. I never wanted to leave you. I’m sorry._  
  
Alec cries.  
  
Jace cries.  
  
They hold each other through the emotional outpour and it’s like back when they were kids, only now Jace is providing the comfort. Now it comes easily and naturally to him.  
  
Alec has questions, but he knows he cannot ask them - not if it means the Clave will come sniffing around Jace and turning rocks that should not be turned. Maybe later, if they are afforded a few minutes alone.  
  
There’s a party to celebrate the end of the Mortal War. A polite way of saying they are celebrating Valentine’s death.  
  
Alec sips a mixery beer in a corner, away from the heart of the party, watching Luke play the host and make the rounds. He doesn’t have to wonder now if Luke is hurting. He knows what’s inside the wolf’s chest. His parabatai died. And while he stopped being a Shadowhunter a while back, Alec knows the bond would not have faded, taking the numerous assaults Valentine’s actions subjected it to, weakening, but not disappearing.  
  
Jace is at the bar, chatting to Clary, laughing with her and talking to the others, but Alec can feel he’s not quite as alright as he is pretending to be. 

There’s an empty space inside his parabatai’s soul, an opening for the darkness to seep into. Alec shudders as a bad feeling takes over him. He has to get to Jace and find a way to warn him, protect him.  
  
But that has to wait, as Magnus slides into the seat opposite from him.  
  
“Why so grim, Alexander?”  
  
Alec looks at him pointedly.  
  
“We just killed two very dangerous men. But unlike everyone here, I do not let myself be lulled by the illusion we have peace now. Valentine has been dipping his toes in an ocean of darkness he could never hope to control.”  
  
“Do you really never allow yourself any enjoyment?” Magnus asks, magicking two Cosmopolitans in front of himself and Alec, who surprises him by downing the whole thing in one go.  
  
“I have my moments.” Alec says, his gaze flitting to Jace reflexively.  
  
“How come _he_ is allowed to unwind?” 

“He’s the sunny half.” Alec says, nodding once in Jace’s direction. Jace responds in kind and raises his beer glass at him and Magnus. He’s always been better at pretending.  
  
“Come away with me, Alexander. You'll feel things that would make your precious angels blush. At least you’ll relax.” Magnus whispers, watching Alec down a third Cosmo.  
  
“As tempting as that sounds? No. Jace is going to be dickfaced and someone has to carry him back home. Thank you for the offer, though, Magnus.”  
 _  
Now let me gay in peace._

Magnus leaves, as gracefully as he slinked into the narrow booth.  
  
Alec has had it with the party. When is it time for what he wants?  
  
He walks out of the bar, knowing that Jace will follow.  
  
The blond catches up to him and they walk side by side, hands in their pockets.

“What?” Jace asks, unable to put up with the quiet.  
  
“How drunk are you?” Alec asks.  
  
“Not at all. I’ve felt your eyes on me all evening. Something wrong?”   
  
“Jace, you _died_ . We need to talk.”  
  
“We need a lot of things.” Jace counters. “Some leave, to start with. Give me until tomorrow.”  
  
“Jace, just… stop, for one moment?” Alec pleads. They are on the stairs of the Institute.  
  
Jace does stop, one step further up than Alec, and he turns to look into his parabatai’s eyes. He rests his forehead on Alec’s and hugs him tight, for once not having to reach up. 

“I’m here, Alec. I’m really here.” He says, sensing Alec needs to hear the words.  
  
“That empty space inside you… do you also feel it?” Alec whispers, ever cautious. He is aware of cameras looking at the stairs and recording them.  
  
Jace nods, sighing.  
  
“I didn’t want you to worry even more. I figured it would get filled back up with the bond… with us.”  
  
“It will. If you feel something try to get in, please come to me.” Alec pleads.  
  
Jace nods, exaggerating a pat to Alec’s back, for the sake of the cameras.  
  
They walk into the Institute side by side, parting ways when it’s time to go to bed.  
  
The next day, Jace calls in a favour with his grandmother.  
  
 _“It’s Alec. He’s so stressed and exhausted and his leadership qualities might be affected. I think he needs a small leave. And since he won’t take leave on his own, I want to make it look like I am dragging him along. I need a portal pass to take my parabatai on a forced vacation before he drops dead on me.”_ _  
__  
_Imogen makes it happen _at once_.

Alec sees himself practically abducted to a remote corner of the world, full of friendly mundanes who don’t care that they are two guys holding hands. They have a small beach house and a small touristy town is within short walking distance.  
  
There is alcohol, so much alcohol, as though Jace has decided to outshine Magnus in the day drinking department.  
  
Alec watches Jace change into light blue jeans and a white muscle tank, which barely covers his chest and leaves his sides exposed. Jace, as it turns out, is also a cap backwards guy.  
  
Alec settles for black shorts and a black polo shirt.  
  
They blend into the landscape of the small town and it’s the first real holiday Alec has had in his entire adult life.  
  
The mundanes around them are carefree and everyone is inebriated to some extent, and Jace intends to join their ranks.  
  
He really is set on making cocktails _their_ thing, isn’t he?  
  
Alec tries delicious new foods and wines. He walks on the sea shore, barefoot on the wet sand, holding his shoes and Jace’s cap while Jace rolls his pant legs up and actually gets his feet wet.  
  
They watch the sun set behind a salt lake and they walk back to their temporary home, taking their time.   
  
“I can’t live without you, Jace. This whole angelic intervention thing changed our bond and I… now that I was allowed to feel what having you is like… I can’t just go on if you die.” Alec blurts out once they are inside the beach house and Jace has checked for mics and cameras, using locking and glamour runes on the house. Better to be safe than sorry.  
  
“I didn’t think Valentine would kill me. I was relying on him being a monster too much. I figured he’d keep me alive to witness his victory.”  
  
“Why didn’t the angelic light protect you?” Alec asks, sounding more hostile than he intended.  
  
“It reacts to our emotions. And I didn’t see that blow coming.”  
  
“Then mine should have destroyed the Institute. I felt you die.” Alec says, sitting on the low comfortable rattan sofa in the living room.  
  
“I don’t know why it didn’t work.” Jace sighs, coming to sit on the carpet in front of the sofa, between Alec’s spread legs.  
  
Alec’s fingers immediately come up to play in Jace’s golden strands.  
  
“I’m grateful you’re back.” He says, lifting one of Jace’s hands to his lips, kissing each finger. “And I’m grateful for this little moment.”  
  
“You’ve been running yourself ragged. I had to do something.” 

Alec pulls Jace up into his lap, making him turn around to face him. Jace has taken to the relationship so easily and so well. It’s strange. Alec has watched Jace date other people since Jace was sixteen, but he never noticed his parabatai being so soft and so loving. What he did notice were the rituals. Jace never fucked people at the Institute, never in his room and there were always drugs or alcohol involved. After every such encounter, Jace would return to the Institute and dash past everyone, directly under a hot shower, as hot as he could take it. Almost like he wanted to get all traces of those encounters off of him as soon as they were past tense.  
  
And while normally Jace is of the “fuck it, I do what I want” persuasion, when it comes to them, he is as careful as Alec. He accepts all the precautions Alec insists having in place and he anticipates problems that may arise. Like that time when two Silent Brothers came to the Institute on a Clave mission and Jace suddenly remembered there was a demon nest that absolutely needed to be dealt with that night. The rest of the time, he is buzzing with the need to be close to Alec and to touch him, but he exercises great restraint. And Alec knows - feels - how hard it is for Jace to act “normal”.

The reality is their parabatai bond has changed deeply. Neither Alec nor Jace can tell if it’s because of the parabatai curse or because of the heavenly light. They are now even closer, mentally and emotionally. In battle, they really move in perfect harmony and with deadly accuracy.  
  
What they do have and allow themselves at the Institute are the training sessions.  
  
Alec smiles, remembering Simon walking in one day and stopping to watch him and Jace during a bojutsu sparring session and telling Isabelle, “are two sweaty shirtless guys beating each other with sticks supposed to look this homoerotic or is it just me?”  
  
Isabelle had rolled her eyes and told Simon “you still don’t understand how deep the parabatai bond is”.  
  
The perfect cover - and training has become their love language, in the absence of other options. 

  
Alec is brought into the present moment by Jace’s lips slanted against his and Jace’s tongue sliding into his mouth. He sinks into the kiss seamlessly, reflexively.  
  
“Take me to bed, Alec.” Jace whispers heatedly, somehow managing not to interrupt the kiss.  
  
Alec stands with Jace wrapped around him and walks to the bedroom. It’s a spartan room, with little furniture and a euro-pallet bed with a mattress on it and fresh sheets. No risk of breaking anything.  
  
They didn’t bother to bring lube.  
  
Since their first time, they noticed whenever they are together, their bond… eases the way.  
  
Jace finds it super hot and takes advantage of it as much as he can.  
  
Alec is still getting used to how easily his parabatai took to having sex with a man. _With you_ , Jace corrected him when he voiced his thoughts. And in fairness, he does have a well of experience to tap into, unlike Alec himself, who only has his imagination and his desires to guide him. But the situation suits him.  
  
He places Jace down so they are both standing on the shiny, cool floor, undressing each other and landing on the comfortable mattress together.  
  
As soon as Alec feels the tell-tale warmth radiate from his parabatai, it’s all a prolonged and intense high. They fall into each other, lips tracking and reclaiming plains and valleys of hard muscle covered in soft skin. Runes are set alight with kisses and caresses soft like angel feathers.  
  
Jace licks across Alec’s parabatai rune, watching Alec writhe beneath him and hearing him curse as he leans down again and gently sucks at the scarred skin, methodically lavishing the same attention on the entire surface of the rune.  
  
Is this why the Clave outlawed romantic relationships between parabatai? Because it usurps the earthly power of the Clave over the pair so completely?  
  
What they share has changed so fundamentally since Iceland. They can feel the sacred power suffuse their connection, and it gets stronger and stronger the closer they are.  
  
Their bodies know each other on a much deeper level - there is no flinching, no cramping, no reptilian-brain panic at the closeness.  
  
Jace lets Alec flip them, so that now he’s the one lying down on the bed. He splays out languidly, watching Alec cover him with his body, sinking down on top of him and taking his mouth in a searing kiss. Jace feels his cock throb urgently at the thought that he will be the only being on this earth to experience Alec like this; to be on the receiving end of the older nephilim’s passion and devotion. It’s an arrogant thing to feel, but it’s how it should be, Jace thinks, and shudders internally at remembering that he nearly let Alec go. He shouldn’t be possessive, it’s toxic and creepy under usual circumstances, but if he had let Alec go, it would have hurt mainly Alec, who only ever wanted him. Steady, unwavering, pure, since the day they met, changed only by the nuances of their coming of age.  
  
He doesn’t even falter in his breath when Alec breaches him and fills him, their bodies finally joined the way they burn to be. The light envelops them and they move as one, souls dancing entwined in a realm guarded by angels.  
  
When they reach this state, the pleasure engulfs them completely and steals them out of linear time. There is no climb towards orgasm, nor is there a peak and a falling down to earth. Their connection wraps them in itself, keeps them, feeds them until their hearts have their fill and they decide to come back to their nephilim bodies. Now they are two men in love, sharing their bodies and souls, moving towards a shared release.  
  
Alec comes first, cursing at the intensity of it and hiding his face in the L of Jace’s neck and shoulder he sucks and bites and holds on to the skin there, repeatedly, feeling Jace respond and follow him over the edge.  
  
Once they disengage and settle in a comfortable embrace, Alec can’t help but think that, heavenly glow now gone, Jace still radiates angelic grace. He always does, in his parabatai’s eyes. But that might just be the love he’s had for the younger nephilim since the day they met. 


	3. Aperta vulnera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace and Alec have to learn how to live again in a world that's not theirs... and is having each other enough to get them through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aperta vulnera- open wounds

They are sold by someone who has a personal vendetta against Alec. They don’t even want the Head of the Institute position - they want Alec gone. And wherever Alec goes, Jace follows.  
  
It’s not even about their relationship - at first.  
  
The Clave accuses them of concealing their special communication with the angels and, once Alec and Jace touch the Soul Sword, it all comes out. The sentencing is almost immediate, and the Clave member delivering it can barely contain their glee.  
  
On the morning of their deruning, Jace feels sick. He doesn’t care how painful it will get, but the realisation that he will have to watch Alec in excruciating pain without the means to help him fills him with horror.  
  
No matter how much he pleads with the Clave, they remain firm in their double sentencing. Partly because it’s too good an opportunity to pass on, getting rid of that one openly gay Shadowhunter who also brought the Downworld leaders into the decision process.  
  
Alec takes his torture with stoicism, gritting his teeth and making the tiniest of sounds as the final rune, bar the Parabatai one, is lifted from his skin. While they still have their bond, everything is easier to endure. Feeling Jace close like in a physical embrace, holding him up and comforting him through the pain means the world.  
  
Jace prays to the angels all through their ordeal. To make it easier on Alec, to spare him, to leave him out of this, to give the Clave a sign that they did nothing wrong. Yet, the skies stay closed and he has to watch the other half of his soul be tortured for the crime of choosing him.  
  
The Clave left the Parabatai rune for last. It was a source of strength while the deruning lasted, but it also allowed both men to experience each other’s pain.  
  
Only… the Parabatai rune is not the Clave’s to take. It resists, on both Jace and Alec, refusing to be erased. It glows golden and, when the two Silent Brothers insist on trying to remove it, it blasts scorching heat at them, incinerating them on the spot.  
  
Jace cannot help but grin cruelly, his head bowed down. He feels more people should burn for torturing Alec and taking his entire life and identity from him. He wants the whole Clave to burn.  
  
No matter how they try, they cannot remove the Parabatai rune, but in the absence of their other runes, the one remaining now houses their shared focused pain and loss.  
It’s only then that Alec cries, looking at his inflamed, oozing skin, which will most likely get infected before it heals. The worst pain comes from the spot on his neck where the Deflect rune used to be.  
  
Jace wants to crawl over to him and hold him, his own pain and humiliation no longer registering, drowned by the pain he feels for Alec. Alec, who didn’t deserve any of this and who was punished for doing exactly what was expected of him.

They are sent to a holding cell where their rune scars can heal before they are cast out into the mundane world. And Alec didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye to Maryse, Izzy and the others. Magnus wasn’t even told the Clave took them.

But the first morning of their mundane existence is spent at a small, family-owned bed and breakfast, with Jace waking up first to fetch pancakes and freshly squeezed OJ for Alec and bringing the treats to him in bed.  
  
Alec kisses him and smiles, and for the first time the gloom aura around him is completely gone. Now they are just two boys whose only mission is to figure out what their next stop is. Love is easy and uncomplicated now, and Jace feels his own heart is much lighter, the many shadows weighing on it not having followed him into exile. 

“We have money, and papers, and everything we need… except for a home. We should look for one.” He tells Alec, who smiles and kisses him like this has always been their life, simple and carefree.  
  
“I put away most of my salary too.” Alec reveals. “So we don’t starve until we find jobs.”  
  
Jace hugs him close and pecks his lips, which now taste of maple syrup and orange pulp.  
  
“And I transferred my inheritance in a mundane bank account. Also, get this-” he says and goes to a drawer in their room’s closet, rummaging for a bit before producing an envelope with personal IDs, insurance documents and driver’s licenses.  
  
The papers are for Alexander and Jonathan Christopher Lightwood.  
  
“I figured you’d like to keep your surname and my contact warned me that the name Herondale is pretty well known even among mundanes so, to avoid nosy people getting in the way…” Jace explains, a slight blush coloring his cheeks.  
  
“So… we’re married now?” Alec asks, smiling from ear to ear and looking lost in a very pleasant dream. 

Jace pounces on Alec and smothers him in a kiss that has them both falling among the sheets and degenerates into a tickle fight.  
  
But the truth is, Alec is so soft and genuinely happy to have Jace, the first thing his mind set on was the idea of them being married. They could pass as brothers, or cousins. But Alec? His preferred scenario is the one in which Jace is officially his for the rest of their lives. 

“How are you feeling?” Alec whispers, once they sit up, wrapping his arms around Jace. “Does it still hurt?”  
  
“The banishment? Yes. The deruning? No.” Jace says. “But the thing that hurts me the most is that you got dragged into this. You did not deserve this, Alec. Any of it.”  
  
“I’m your parabatai, Jace. I don’t think I would have been able to go on if you had been exiled on your own.”  
  
“Don’t say that. You were always meant to be a leader and rise up. You could have been Inquisitor, or Consul!”  
  
“Jace. I mean it when I say fuck the Clave. All my life I did what they wanted me to do. And it came at great costs to my life and my personal happiness. The Clave acts like a textbook cult and I don’t think they give a flying fuck about what the angels have to teach us. Why do you think they cared so much that you received visions and angelic power? Because they wanted to weaponize it for their own goals. Not to bring peace and help mundanes and Downworlders coexist peacefully. The Clave has no interest in the Shadowhunters becoming an extinct profession. They don’t want to become obsolete themselves. And if I had been forced to live on in that fast track to an early grave kind of world without you, I would have killed myself without so much as a thought as soon as I had the chance.”  
  
“Alec!” Jace says, taken aback by his parabatai’s speech. “What about your family? Izzy and Max. Hell, what about Magnus!”  
  
Alec rests his chin on a bent knee.  
  
“Magnus would have treated me well. He would have loved and spoiled me for my entire life. He’s an incredible catch. But he isn’t you. See, maybe it’s too late to say this now, but when I accepted to be your parabatai, I was fully aware I might never be able to love someone the same as I love you. All of me was yours from the start. That left little for me to gift to anyone else. And yes, I despaired, and I was weak at some point, thinking I would never know love and panicking. I felt weird, being so old and not having been with anyone.”  
  
“Babe…” Jace whispers, pain laced in his voice. He scooches closer and wraps Alec in his arms, guiding Alec’s head to his shoulder and tenderly caressing his back and neck. It’s heartbreaking, hearing how Alec loved him so strongly from the very beginning and how alone he was in that. Jace winces at the thought of him having added to that pain by giving himself away to everyone and anyone where Alec had to see. It had been his way of coping with wanting the one person he couldn’t have. So, in that respect, but coming at it from the opposite angle, they were both idiots for not talking to each other sooner. Much sooner.  
  
“I like that. _Babe_ ,” Alec says and burrows closer into Jace’s embrace. “None of that matters now. We’re together. Away from the Clave. Maybe now I can have some peace and quiet to love on my boyfriend - excuse me, _husband_ ,” he interrupts himself to wave their fresh IDs.  
  
Jace cannot resist the blissed out smile on his parabatai’s face and pounces on him anew.  
  
He presses Alec back against the pillows and kisses him, slow and soft and not wanting to escalate for the time being. He just hopes that Alec feels what words are too poor to convey.  
  
Alec, however, is all for escalating. His arms go up around Jace, shifting them so they’re comfortably lying together, Jace mostly on top of Alec. This way, Alec can let his hands cradle the back of Jace’s head and slowly move lower, stroking him as one would a sleeping cat, with long, heavy caresses that leave Jace practically purring.  
  
Alec stops when feelings of shame and sadness hit him through their bond. 

“Jace?” He asks, worry coming to the foreground right away. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“I just… It’s not… I don’t know how to explain it. Or why I feel like this.” Jace says, briefly hiding his face in Alec’s chest and inhaling the soothing, familiar scent of his parabatai. “But we promised each other to talk things out openly, so here goes. I feel naked and ugly.”  
  
“Is it the runes being gone?” Alec asks, his heart breaking for Jace. He misses the runes, but he realises that the ship has sailed and they are no longer a part of that world. He knows how perverse and insidious the Shadowhunter upbringing and conditioning are; their previous lives were lived forever dangling over an abyss between feeling proud of their nephilim destiny and feeling exceptional in every way and therefore, entitled and superior.  
  
Jace nods.  
  
“I feel like… a lot of me is gone with them. If I’m not the greatest Shadowhunter anymore, what am I? Some guy? I think being mundane will crush me.”  
  
“You will _never_ be mundane, Jace.” Alec says. “I see it as a chance to start all over. And sure, we were born and bred warriors. Our parents abused us in unspeakable, innumerable ways to shape us into the soldiers we were. But… there is a lot more to life than war, Jace. Let yourself see that. And if you miss fighting, I will gladly have you hand my ass to me at a mundane gym.”  
  
“Did you always hold these subversive views about the Shadow World and the Clave’s rules?” Jace asks, looking at Alec as though he only now sees him for real.  
  
“I carry a lot of secrets; most of them wounds.” Alec says, barely audible. “Many of them enough to have me deruned on their own.”  
  
Alec sounds… resigned. A step beyond jaded, Jace realises. His parabatai has lived with so much daily pain, pain that he could never share or bring to light before anyone else. And yet, he still found compassion for Jace, who is new to these feelings and only because he has fallen from so high up, from being the Clave’s poster boy for the exemplary Shadowhunter, to exiled and deruned.  
  
“I guess you always were the more sensible one,” Jace says.  
  
“As for the matter at hand - Jace, you will never not be absolutely perfect to me. Runes or no runes. You are still the greatest warrior I know and the fiercest. And…” Alec pauses, leaning in to gently, slowly kiss Jace. “My love for you only grew over the years, and it was not because we were Shadowhunters - but despite that.”  
  
Jace feels the heat before the wetness as his tears spill down his cheeks. He is not used to this rawness of emotion and to looking all that terrifies him in the eyes, but Alec makes him feel like he could do it, they _are_ doing it, together and Jace can’t remember ever feeling safer than while having Alec with him then.  
  
Alec wraps him in his arms and guides his head to rest on Alec’s shoulder as his hands stroke Jace’s hair and back. 

“I’m so sorry I never asked. I’m sorry you had to go through it alone.” Jace says. “I should have picked up on it. I’m your parabatai. I betrayed you so much, so often and for so little - and you still love me.” He recoils at remembering their fight at the entrance to the City of Bones.  
  
“I wanted it that way. I did my best to hide from you. I don’t regret a moment of it.” Alec says. “I have you now, no more glamours, no more betrayals, high stakes or any of that bullshit.”  
  
“I am yours, Alec. Always.” Jace says, lifting his head to look into his parabatai’s eyes.  
  
Falling into each other is easy. Jace feels the weight lifting off of his heart as Alec uses their bond to convey how much he loves him and what a relief it is for him to be away from the Shadow World. And Jace can also feel Alec’s love and craving for him have only grown after their deruning.  
  
He straddles Alec and leans down to kiss him. Alec’s hands go up to card through Jace’s hair and to rest on his hip, close to the parabatai rune.  
  
Alec gasps at seeing Jace’s carefree, radiant smile. He feels a shiver of pride and delight down his spine at the knowledge that he helped Jace find joy again.  
  
As they kiss, for once, Jace doesn’t begin to heat up and angelic power doesn’t start surging through them. It is still there, coiled around their souls, as their gold-tinted eyes prove. But it mercifully lets them just be this time around. Alec speculates that the runes being gone is why the heavenly light behaves and doesn’t flare up, no longer having so many amplifying spots to travel through.   
  
Still, as he carefully slides his fingers down Jace’s lower back and between his cheeks, lazily stroking over the entrance to his lover’s body, he can tell Jace is ready for him and it still blows his mind. Of all the consequences of having heavenly light inhabit their bodies, this is the one that makes the least sense to Alec. What do the angels plan with making them so receptive to each other? It’s not like they can get pregnant and birth a new, formidable Antichrist-fighting warrior.  
  
But now is not the time to think of the angels and their arcane plans. Not when Jace rocks his hips, seeking more contact with Alec’s fingers. Alec mercifully slides the tips of two fingers into Jace, loving the aroused sigh that leaves Jace’s lips as he is being opened so slowly. Alec’s free hand comes to wrap itself loosely around Jace’s cock, thumb persistently rubbing over the tip and spreading the slick droplets there, before going to play with the little spot on the underside. Alec quickly learned that spot is one of Jace’s favourite places to be touched by him.  
  
The sounds he is coaxing out of his parabatai now are his only focus. He basks in how beautiful Jace’s now unmarked skin looks in the morning light. Jace is in no hurry to get off, but he does want to get more touches, arching his back and grinding down on Alec’s hips where he is currently perched, thighs spread on either side.  
  
Alec can barely focus now, the closeness to Jace and his inescapable pull making him feel like he is moving through molasses as he slides his fingers in , deeper inside Jace, and looks for his fireworks spot.  
  
“Jesus fuck, Alec.” Jace presses out, biting his lower lip and throwing his head back. “That’s it… fuck don’t stop.”

The angle isn’t ideal for the hand Alec has under Jace, fingers curled inside him, but he doesn’t care enough to make an adjustment. All he cares about is drawing more of those breathless, needy sounds from Jace - and Alec would have never guessed Jace to be this unrestrained and free sexually. Sure. He knew Jace was uninhibited and casual about sex, if the many Seelies and other Downworlders lining up to bang Jace like he was a tourist attraction were any indication. And Alec has always suffered and hated the endless procession of strangers who could easily get what he needed and longed for since he was old enough to know what he feels.  
  
But his awe and adoration for Jace have never diminished - Jace always was and always will be his home, his bottled sunshine on a cloudy day, and now, matter of factly, his angel light, undimmed even in the deepest, darkest night.  
  
Jace may be reckless and cocky about many things, but some things he has the right angle on.  
  
Like pleasure. He always gives himself over to it fully, not wanting to miss a single tendril, a single nuance. He knows what he wants and goes for it with a confidence Alec envies. But lately, it’s rubbed off on him. 

On top of him, Jace is rolling his hips, angling them just right so Alec’s fingers press into that spot inside him which makes him see stars and has his entire body trembling and arching. His thigh muscles strain under the effort of Jace’s writhing on top of Alec.  
  
He’s going to come soon, Alec can feel it through their bond and in the way Jace’s walls squeeze down on his fingers. He looks down at the hand he has wrapped around Jace’s dick, watching Jace move into the grip. The look on Jace’s face is sinful and heavenly at the same time and it leaves Alec breathless with need. His own cock lies ignored, hard and leaking against his lower belly, the friction from Jace torturously pushing him towards release.  
  
Alec swipes his thumb over the underside of Jace’s dick tip and that throws Jace over the edge.  
  
He comes with a long, low groan and an overwhelmed “ohhh fuckk!”.  
  
Jace leans back, hands propped on Alec’s thighs, catching his breath and giving his parabatai an irresistible display. With his back arched like that, chest heaving and muscles tense from the stretch, Jace looks like he was carved in marble by a very gay sculptor. Alec’s mouth goes dry and he forgets himself for a while, until he feels Jace leave the bed, only to return moments later with a warm, wet towel he cleans Alec with.  
  
Jace lays down next to him, kissing him deeply. Alec feels Jace is far from sated and is about to suggest-

“Fuck me. I want you to come inside me.” Jace presses out, and the need in his voice is intoxicating to Alec. 

He tries to focus, taking a few calming breaths so his brain clears. It’s hard and he’s sluggish from all the blood having gone downstairs. Jace is disarmingly direct and he says things that leave poor Alec consumed with lust on the regular, so much so that he feels fifteen again, when his body was trying to rebel against him and run away from his control.  
  
Jace flings a leg over his, wanting to straddle him again, but Alec has other plans. He’s always thought of them like this, in the privacy of his fantasies. He takes Jace’s leg and drapes it over his own hips, turning just enough so they are lining up conveniently and he can enter Jace like this, as they lie down close and facing each other. This way he can touch Jace more as they move into each other.  
  
Their bond flares up between them, enveloping them in that by now familiar heavenly light. Their boundaries disappear and Jace and Alec bleed into each other, souls dancing and soaring together.  
  
It will never cease to be overwhelming, Alec thinks, holding a very pliant and very soft Jace close to him, peppering light kisses all over his face, tenderly mapping his features with his lips and nibbling at his jaw before settling on his lips again. His tongue moves in Jace’s mouth in a reflection of what his whole body is doing.  
  
He can feel Jace is hard again between them and it would be all too easy to reach down and wank him off to a quick completion. But Alec has been listening and learning: he knows at least some of the things Jace likes by now.

Holding Jace close, hands snaking around to rest on his butt, Alec moves them into a sitting position where he is on the bed with his knees bent and Jace has his legs around Alec’s waist. Their little tilt shift action happens without Alec having to pull out and Jace clings to him, biting into his shoulder and letting out a sinful sound that is simply saturated with pleasure.  
  
In this position, gravity brings Jace further down on Alec’s cock and while moving against each other takes some muscle now, it’s not a problem for the two nephilim. But it meets a certain need for Jace, one that goes deeper than sex and pleasure. It makes their joining feel real and lasting, removing all shadows of insecurity and doubt. Alec can never forget how harsh Jace’s life was and how much suffering he’s been dealt - and despite all that, Jace grew up to be a compassionate, devoted and loving man. So he is ready to spend every drop of his waking energy making sure Jace feels loved in all the ways he was robbed of before. And while those are some big feelings to house in a mortal chest, Alec is now certain his one purpose in this life is to love and care for Jace.

“You are so hot and tight, you feel like pure heaven,” Alec whispers against Jace’s neck, making the blond nephilim whimper and cling to him tighter.  
  
They whisper all sorts of heated, needy nonsense into each other’s skin, hurtling towards release. This time, they come together, their bond and the heavenly light having turned them into one body and one consciousness.  
  
It feels like ages before they can breathe normally again; before Alec slips from Jace without causing his parabatai to cry at the sudden loss.  
  
When Jace looks over to Alec, settling next to him after getting them both cleaned up a bit, he sees tears spilling silently down Alec’s cheeks. 

“What’s wrong, my heart?” He asks, not even noticing the endearment he just used.  
  
But Alec does notice and he turns dreamy eyes to Jace.  
  
“Nothing’s wrong, just overwhelming and… relief. I was thinking, I am such a selfish asshole, but still, life turned out in my favour.”  
  
“You are the farthest person from being an asshole I know, Alec. That title is mine and I do not accept challenges.” Jace says, trying to make sure whatever is bothering Alec for real is not threatening his parabatai’s peace of mind. 

“I was thinking,” Alec says, softly, taking Jace’s closest hand in his and bringing it to his lips, kissing each finger reverently. “I am so happy I was allowed to have you. I tried to lie to myself and felt myself give in to outside pressure that insisted I must want to hook up with people, but… there was only you from day one. It’s a douchey thing, in hindsight, but I’m glad my first time was with you. I’d have hated myself if, after rushing into things with Magnus, things had gone the way they have.”  
  
Jace feels ashamed of how he’d used so many partners before Alec to numb the pain, to keep nightmares at bay and most of all, to avoid looking at feelings that had been there all along, buried under the need to be the greatest, the most and the first in everything. But he cannot change what happened and he knows Alec is not telling him he is inadequate or not enough.  
  
However, what Alec _is_ telling him is the purest declaration of love Jace thought possible. Alec has never wanted anyone but him and he is content with only belonging to Jace for his entire life.  
  
It is a daunting and humbling realisation for Jace and he intends to protect that for as long as he lives. He can only hope he makes Alec feel at least one percent of how loved and treasured Alec makes him feel. Normally, he would feel guilty for arousing such feelings in anyone, let alone his parabatai, but they are living in the epilogue of their story now. So Jace allows himself the luxury to feel things wholly and not beat himself up for the love he receives. That’s not him anyway, just his shadows talking. He is starved for love and welcomes it in any shape or form Alec sees fit to bestow it upon him. 

“Magnus would have loved you and treated you the way you deserve. He would have given you things I cannot give you.” Jace says, taking Alec down a path that risks becoming hopelessly sad, but only if they let it.  
  
“Yes, he would have. But with him I would have always felt like a child, needing his help all the way. And while I was and still am fond of Magnus, that spark didn’t happen. I was happy someone wanted to talk to me and noticed me. But that’s not grounds to commit to someone. And… I’d probably get ahead in the Clave hierarchy. Or be a spoiled house husband, whose only job is to watch the kids.”  
  
“Did you want kids, even?” Jace asks. “Do you still?”  
  
“I don’t mind kids, but I like it best when they go away and leave me alone after a while. Do you want kids?”  
  
Jace looks up at the ceiling and sighs.  
  
“Absolutely not. I dread the idea of becoming a footnote in my own story. If we had kids together, we would drift apart. We would become afterthoughts in each other’s efforts to manage everything and… I never want to lose sight of you, of us, of our bond again. Life is short, awfully short. I do not want to share you now that I have you, nor do I want to spend any less time with you. Sounds like an asshole view, but you asked.”  
  
“At least you know what you want. With Magnus, I fleetingly thought of how that would look. Like, would I have to jizz in some carefully selected Shadowhunter who volunteered her eggs and body? Would Magnus somehow harvest my seed and magically make a baby from it? The whole idea of being the… _breeding instrument_ made me shudder and I remember downing oh so many cocktails in hopes of forgetting those thoughts for good. Magnus asked me if demons were giving me a harder time than usual and I had to say yes, even though it wasn’t _demons_ -demons.”  
  
Jace sighs softly, watching Alec’s chest rise and fall gently with his breath. He had felt _so_ possessive when Magnus had entered their lives, with his magic and his glitter and his intense focus on Alec, like a rich man eyeing a unique art object in a gallery and confidently saying “wrap it up, I’ll take it!” without checking the label or the price tag. He knows he’s petty and corrupt for even feeling like that, but Magnus’ arrival only helped kick him into gear - into realising that the feelings he’d been crushing and suppressing for so long are neither wrong, nor misplaced. Something in him had gone “enough games!”

“I can’t ever thank the angels for bringing me to this moment.” Alec says, turning slightly so he can tenderly kiss Jace’s hair right next to his temple.   
  
Anyone else, looking from the outside, would have judged Alec losing his name, his runes, his family and the world he had grown in as too high a price to pay just to end up with some dumb blond who just happened to glow golden now and then. But Alec had only ever wanted to belong to Jace and know Jace is his too.  
  
“We should get ready to go before the cleaning staff comes and they judge us for what we did to their sheets.” Jace points out. “We are going to look for a place of our own. Maybe even one where we can have a cat.”  
  
“Or two.” 


	4. In hac vita et in altera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Shadow World collides with Alec and Jace's peaceful new lives as mundanes. War comes to find them soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in hac vita et in altera - in this life and in the next

Jace smiles into the kiss and Alec responds by tickling his sides, though neither one of them is ready to stop.  
  
Jace has been swimming in the sea all afternoon, while Alec stayed out of the direct sun, on a lounge chair under the pergola, sipping cocktails and looking at fashion shows on his tablet.  
  
He had been reluctant to move to Paris, but Jace’s idea had proven to be a genius one; as soon as they had arrived and gotten a room at a quaint hotel not far from the Eiffel Tower, they had been spotted by a casting director from Fashion Week and, against all odds, they had been booked for various jobs before, during and after Fashion Week, Alec for runway shows and Jace for editorial stuff and even a TV ad.  
  
They had gone viral because of their surreally good looks and mundanes burning with thirst for them. Who was this mysterious, super attractive couple and where had they popped up from?  
  
In a very short time, they had careers, agents, and a nice place to live, in a so-called model villa outside Paris, where various models and their spouses shared a huge luxury living space. Everyone else was nice and friendly, if a bit competitive. But Alec and Jace had soon become the villa’s sweethearts, everyone else coming to watch them spar shirtless in the high end communal gym.  
  
A week ago, their second Paris Fashion Week had come to a close and now Alec and Jace were taking a well-deserved break somewhere in the south of France. 

Jace had spent almost the entire week out in the sun, wearing a small pair of beach shorts, a hat and not much else. His skin had turned a delicious dark gold shade, which brought out the colour of his eyes as a stark contrast.  
  
Alec didn’t like the sun so much, so he had spent his time keeping a watchful eye on Jace’s aquatic frolics from a terrace, out of the sun, with a cocktail in his hand.  
  
But now it was late in the afternoon, the sun was preparing to set and they were sitting on the beach, side by side, their bodies turned towards each other, unable to stop kissing and nuzzling at each other.  
  
Jace was aware that some of the other people at the beach had their phones out and were taking sneak pics of them and it would be in the tabloids the next day, but he didn’t care. They were now one of the most famous and most beloved couples in the fashion industry and even terrible mundanes who harboured homophobic feelings gave them a pass because of how gorgeous they were in the same mundanes’ eyes.

Their bliss is cut short when they feel the signature chill of a portal opening. They part and Jace, ever the trained soldier, reaches for the knife in his beach bag, keeping it concealed for now.  
  
Alec’s heart sinks as he lays eyes on his family, looking like they escaped a bomb strike. Robert, Maryse, Max, Izzy, Luke, Meliorn and Magnus stumble through the portal, all wounded to some extent.  
  
“Alec! Jace! Please help us! The Shadow World has fallen!” Maryse begs, falling to her knees before her eldest son and his parabatai.  
  
Magnus passes out from exertion, barely managing to close the portal.

“What happened, guys? Where’s everyone else?” Jace asks, in shock at seeing the state of his adoptive family.   
  
“There’s no time, not here in the open.” Izzy says. “Is there somewhere safe we can talk? Where are we anyway?”  
  
“I’m sure the hotel will let us use their conference room for a bit.” Alec says and leads the way. “Jace, get the medical supply kit from our suite and see to it that everyone is looked at. I’ll take Magnus,” he directs, and lifts the warlock in his arms like he barely weighs a thing.  
  
Once everyone is bandaged and taken care of, Alec has questions.  
  
“What do you mean, the Shadow World has fallen?”  
  
“Victor Aldertree had been running some unsanctioned experiments, under the protection of some Clave members and without Jia’s knowledge. He decided to experiment with drawing demonic energy directly from Edom to convert it into angelic energy that would fuel the cores of Institutes all over the world. But he could neither convert the demonic energy into angelic energy, nor stop a stable portal from opening between Edom and the Shadow World. Idris fell first and is now overrun by greater demons and their minions. The Institutes are falling one by one, their cores corrupted. Izzy was able to propagate an algorithm that stopped the corrupted Institutes infecting the others, but we lost many already.” Robert says.  
  
“How did you find us?” Alec presses on. “And where is everyone else? Clary? Simon?”  
  
“Clary and Simon glamoured themselves and escaped to live among the mundanes before this happened.” Izzy says.  
  
Magnus slowly comes to his senses, looking around.  
  
“You look good, Alexander. Happy.” He says, as soon as his eyes land on Alec.  
  
“I’ve been working on it. I guess it finally pays off.” Alec says. “Are you alright?” He asks, enveloping the warlock in a warm look. There really is no bad blood between them, and in another world they would have ended up together, but things are how they are.  
  
“I’m fine. I’ve stolen some power from my father and my magic is stronger than ever, but making a portal through the enforced wards between the Shadow World and this one did take a lot of effort.”  
  
“What’s the status of the Paris Institute?” Alec asks.  
  
“As far as I know, it hasn’t been corrupted.” Izzy says, holding a very shaken-looking Max. “We need to stop the demons from taking over the mundane world. If that happens, if the Institutes fall, the entire planet will become a Hell realm.”  
  
“Agreed.” Alec says. “Jace. We need to get to Paris. Send up a flair and let the demons know this is as far as they get.”  
  
“But… you’re deruned.” Luke points out. “Yes, I know. I knew for a while. We only seek some refuge before the big war hits.”  
  
“You don’t know everything. None of you do.” Alec says, looking at his family and friends from the Shadow World, his gaze stopping on Magnus.  
  
“Alec… you know what this means.” Jace says, walking over to his parabatai and taking one of his hands in his.  
  
“I know, my heart.” Alec says and rests his forehead on Jace’s. “We have to do it. Otherwise everyone will either die or suffer forever. We cannot let Edom spill into this defenseless world.”  
  
“They’re not worth it. Think of how much hate we get just for being us.” Jace says. “We should come up with a plan. Catch the greater demons alone and kill them one by one.”  
  
“This IS the plan. They all die at the same time. We just need to send them a message they cannot resist from checking on.” Alec says, determined. “It will be alright. We’ll be together all through it, and after.” He adds, reassuring his parabatai, who gives in and kisses Alec, sinking against his chest. Alec wraps Jace in his arms and, when the kiss ends, tucks his head under his chin, holding him tightly, hands roaming his back and going up into his hair.  
  
“I guess we’re flying.” Jace says, looking around the room. “Let me make a few arrangements.”  
  
“I can portal us all.” Magnus says. “I’ve rested enough and there are no wards between here and Paris.”  
  
“Are you sure?” Alec asks.  
  
“This should be a piece of cake. I’m riding high on greater demon magic.” Magnus says with a hand flourish, sparks appearing at his fingertips.  
  
“Thank you.” Alec still says.  
  
Paris may not have fallen yet, but the French Institute is dealing with an unprecedented influx of demons.  
  
Which Alec and Jace find convenient for what they are planning to do.  
  
They lure all the demons in Paris and surroundings to right outside the Institute, and once the foul things crawl up to the right spot, Alec and Jace uncoil the heavenly light within themselves, standing across each other in different corners of the courtyard, effectively burning all the demons out of existence. 

Magnus watches from inside the Institute, where he, together with Meliorn and Luke were told to take cover because of their demon blood. Should the heavenly light see them as a threat, it would be the end.  
  
Alec looks majestic and downright divine, the glow lingering around him while the golden light in his eyes goes away last. He looks up at Magnus and smiles, frowning when the warlock turns away from the window.  
  
Magnus needs to hide his tears. He never came to terms with the idea that Alec is lost to him for good, but now he saw it manifest before his eyes, formidable and mystical and so out of reach for him. Sure, he can accept that Alec chose Jace even before he and Magnus met. But to see Alec as an angelic weapon hurts infinitely more, because Magnus realises what that means for Alec’s life and freedom. At least he has Jace, and Jace seems to have learned to treat his parabatai and lover a lot better than when Magnus first met them, back when they were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Shadowhunters.  
  
It’s not even a day later when the war comes to them. All of Edom empties as every demon, lesser, middling, greater shows up to battle the pure angelic power that blasted so many of their forces in a matter of seconds.  
  
The surviving members of the Clave and all remaining Shadowhunters portal in as well. It’s an asymmetrical showdown between scattered groups of wounded and scared nephilim and the legions of Edom.  
  
Asmodeus is there, and he seems to know something the others don’t, as his first gesture is to stun Magnus, rendering him unable to use his magic for a long time. His second action is to grab Alec and fly him as far as he can before Alec’s heavenly light burns his wings completely off, like a dark Icarus.  
  
Alec realises what just happened. Without Jace, and so far away from him, they both only have hand to hand combat and whatever weapons they can secure at their disposal if they want to make it out alive.  
  
Asmodeus vanishes before he can burn him with the heavenly light.  
  
Next, he fights his way through the legions of demons, feeling his body scream from exertion, wounds and fear. He cannot rest until he sees Jace again. He needs Jace or he will never find peace, in this life or the next.  
  
Most of the other Shadowhunters have fallen by now. Izzy is hurt, covering an injured Max with her body, Maryse supports a wounded Luke, trying to drag him to shelter. Robert and Meliorn are still fighting, despite having sustained many wounds too.  
  
And then there is Jace. Jace who took Izzy’s whip and Meliorn’s spear, turning them into conduits for the heavenly light. His eyes emit golden light and he is taking out hordes of demons, cracking the whip to create lightning and literally riding it, letting it drive him upward and through the legions.  
  
He spots Alec and heads for him, but as their eyes lock, a black spear shoots Jace down.  
  
He falls to the ground, but still lands softly and controlled next to Alec.  
  
“It’s time.” Jace says and smiles sadly, wiping the tears that started rolling down Alec’s cheeks with his fingertips.  
  
Alec nods slowly, but he can’t hold back the sobs wracking his frame.  
  
Jace has tears running down his cheeks now too, so Alec’s instinct to comfort him kicks in and he leans down, pressing a reverent kiss to Jace’s lips.  
  
“I love you. I love you more than life itself.” Alec whispers. 

“I love you too. In this life and the next.” Jace answers, reaching for Alec’s hand. 

_Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried._

_The Angel do so to me, and more also,_

_If aught but death part thee and me.  
  
_ It’s not an angelic oath and there’s no magic behind the words - but the two of them, speaking the words with their last breaths makes the heavens watch.  
  
They hold hands and it’s like in Jace’s vision: the heavenly light expands from within them, past their bodies and into the sea of darkness made up by the demons all around them.  
  
It leaves those with angel blood unharmed while purging the entire population of Edom from the world.  
  
Alec holds Jace close and is vaguely aware of what the white clothes in Jace’s vision meant - mourning white, which symbolises death and which told them from the start what their destiny would be.  
  
They are still holding hands when they awaken in a beautifully lit cathedral, heavenly music playing without anyone sitting at the organ.  
  
Jace is no longer hurt, and they are no longer covered in ichor, blood and soot. They are in wedding gold now, and as Alec looks around, the cathedral fills with angels.  
  
Raziel steps forward and speaks to Alec and Jace.  
  
“Your bravery and sacrifice have earned you a place in the heavens, among our ranks. But your love and devotion for each other has moved even our Lady of the Heavens, who offers you a gift. You may either become angels and live forever in our golden cities, or return among humans and live another mortal life where you get to be together, safe from our tidings with the demonic realms. A life as lovers, not warriors. When you die, should you still be uncorrupted by darkness, you will take your place among our ranks.”  
  
Alec knows what he chooses, and looking at Jace, he can see his parabatai’s choice is the same as his.  
  
***  
  
The party goes on until late in the night and the model wanders alone down to the beach, taking off his shoes to walk barefoot in the sand. His soft gold hair spills over one side of his head, while on the other it is shorn close to his skin in a very trendy asymmetrical cut.  
  
He wants to get away from the party crowd, so he doesn’t get cornered by thirsty girls again or by one who is intent on sleeping with him that night. He wants to enjoy his success, but not fuck anyone and he doesn’t trust the people around him to respect his wish. He is treated like a beautiful object all the time, coveted by everyone, and he has enough of strangers putting their unwanted hands on him at work.  
  
He makes his way to the old citadel on top of the hill by the sea. The ruins are a hotspot for world famous DJs and the summer’s biggest live DJ set is broadcast from that epic location. Right now, it’s just rehearsals going on inside the club, and Jace hopes he can sit at the bar, buy a cocktail and go outside on the old _castrum_ wall to greet the sunrise.  
  
“I’ll have a Touchdown, please, but make it with peach schnapps instead of apricot liqueur,” he tells the tall guy behind the bar, who is currently checking out the many bottles on display, his back to Jace.  
  
He starts saying “I’m a DJ, not a bartender, just here to-” but once he turns and sees Jace, his jaw goes lax and he forgets what he wanted to say.  
  
Jace smiles and it lights up the dark club, pushing a twenty euro bill towards him.  
  
“Ugh, one Touchdown with peach, I uh... are you from the fashion party?”  
  
“Yeah. I’m Jace by the way.” Jace says, mesmerised by the tall boy’s broad shoulders, eyes and hair. He seems sweet and shy, and like he’s on edge, trying not to screw up, but he is lovely and Jace immediately wants to get to know him. 

“Alec. Lightwood.” 

“You said you’re not a bartender, and you’re still fixing me a cocktail. What were you doing behind the bar then, Alec?”  
  
“I was uh, looking for the tonic water. If I put it in my glass with some lemon and a rosemary sprig, everyone will get off my back about not having anything to drink. I’m just here to check on my setup and make sure everything is safe and working at parameters. I am headlining the trance event tomorrow night and I need to be in my best shape. Also, your Touchdown might differ slightly from what you’re used to. I have no idea what’s in one, aside from peach schnapps.”  
  
“Surprise me, then.”  
  
“How come you’re up wandering around the island at night? Aren’t you tired from work and that huge party?” Alec asks, marveling at how beautiful the other boy is, even after so much loss of sleep and possible drinking.  
  
“That’s just it, if I go to bed now I’ll wake up three days from now and feel like hell. And I had enough of people looking at me and touching me like I’m some shiny trinket on someone’s chain. I came out here to sit on the old Roman wall and watch the sunrise.” 

“Neat. I wish I had the time. Can I join you, if you’re still there when I finish up here?” Alec asks, and if the bar weren’t so poorly lit, Jace would see him blushing. He finishes his cocktail creation and slides it the short distance across the shiny bar and into Jace’s hands. 

“Sure. I’d love that.” Jace says and takes the offered glass, having a sip. “Hm, I taste… peach, passionfruit juice, rosemary extract, pomegranate syrup, ginger ale and _that_ can only be the metallic and cold mouthfeel of vodka. You’re actually not far off from the actual recipe. This is yummy. Thank you, Alec.”  
  
“I think you should keep this, too. You wanted to pay for a professional to make you a drink,” he says and slides the twenty euro back to Jace.  
  
“Keep it. You did make me a great cocktail. And the bar management doesn’t need to know.” Jace replies. “Work hard and work fast, Alec.” He adds with a cheeky wink, walking out of the club with his drink.  
  
Towards the morning, it gets cooler and Jace finished his drink a while ago. He considers walking back to his hotel room when he feels something warm and smelling of sandalwood, wood smoke and pine envelop him.  
  
Alec finally came to find him, and he considerately brought a comfy flannel shirt in dark hues to wrap around Jace’s cold shoulders. Jace is still wearing the sleeveless t-shirt he had on at the party and he is so grateful for the warm shirt. 

“I’m glad you’re still here,” Alec says, sitting down on the old wall next to Jace, handing him a thermos mug with tea in it. “You can have it, I did not drink from there. You won’t get my cooties all over you.” 

“Thank you for the tea. That’s really caring of you.”

“I can’t help it. I’m a big brother.” Alec says, smiling happily at how easy and natural it feels to be around Jace. He can tell he already likes this one. A lot. “How about you?”  
  
“I’m an only child and a huge brat. Photographers love to say I am ‘ _arrogant and elegant_ ’ but if you were to ask the other models I live with back in Paris, I’m just a huge asshole coasting by on his good looks.”  
  


“That’s an unfair take. You’re cute as a button. You lit up that huge dark club with your smile earlier.”  
  
Jace turns to look at Alec for a heartbeat, then leans close, huddling as if searching for more warmth and resting his head on Alec’s shoulder. He doesn’t know what’s going on, usually he isn’t attracted to anyone, hell, usually he doesn’t like anyone, but he likes Alec.  
  
When Alec puts his arm around him, pulling him close, Jace feels relief wash over him. Alec seems to like him too.  
  
From the heavens, Raziel smiles. 

  
_End_  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this and that the warning didn't put you off.  
> I'm very excited about my first story in this fandom, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it at @mewsiex on tumblr.
> 
> Kudos and comments are of course chiefly appreciated. <3


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